Monday, February 13, 2006

Everyone else has one...

so why can't I? Blogs are everywhere I turn. It has become a monstrosity that daily seems to enter into my vocabulary: "Have you checked out so and so's blog?"

I have become what I once despised, but the old saying is true, "The times they are a changin'" - Dylan

We have had a hard time at work the past few months, and it all came to a crashing halt last week. Our Manager was being accused of stealing our tips. (Feel free to debate the finer nuances of whether or not the pawns of the coffee world actually deserve tips...) I am not as angry as I expected. I am hurt, betrayed, and somehow feel compassion. I would like to think that sanctification is becoming a little more obvious in this broken vessel bent on destruction, but I think rather it is something more. I feel so in touch with my sin lately. There are people I need to ask for forgiveness, bills that need to be paid, and gossip that has left my lips, not just willingly but enthusiastically.

I feel a heavy weight of offending God with these and more. I serve a great God, a Sovereign, Holy and all-together worship-commanding Trinity that upholds the whole world and my infinitely small life. What does it mean to offend this Great Being? Should I not be trembling? Yet all too often I defer my time to other things choosing to ignore the sin and focus on my anger towards the sinner.

All too often I think we in the church like to present our churches as perfect to the outside world; it is a habit, I believe, to shoot off our wounded rather than accept that the wounded stage is where we all happen to be. Stealing money, while it hurts, is simply a sin that I can point to and is a tangible excuse for my anger.

What about my sin, the sin no one knows, except God? I wonder if my anger towards my boss comes not out of what he did, but rather how I would expect people to treat me if they knew the depths of my sin. On days like this I feel like I would give Paul a good run for his money in the "Chief of Sinners" category.

"Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
The Lord will be a light for me.
I will bear the indignation of the Lord
because I have sinned against him,
until he pleads my cause
and executes judgement for me.
He WILL bring me out to the light,
I shall look upon his vindication." -Micah 7:8-9

3 comments:

Jonathan said...

Welcome Karla!

BlueJean said...

I think we are all chiefs...groveling...and hoping for scraps...but the riches offered to us are beyond our imaginings! And the deep, deep love...welcome to blogworld! BlueJean

Sarah V. said...

Karla,
Yay! More blogger happiness! I am excited to see you entering the new world of online journaling. I think blogging in a way, ironically, actually allows us to get to know our friends in new and unique ways, since often we post the things on our heart, our soul. You are a great writer, and I look forward to devouring your posts!