Thursday, August 17, 2006

Ichthyophobia/throwing blows

For all of you doubters, I TOLD YOU IT WAS REAL. To find an impressive name for your petty fears, go to aboutphobias.com A fear of fish, granted I will give you that it is called the "unspoken" fear. And I do find it hysterical that of course my fear is put into the category of "an intense fear that poses no actual threat." Of course it it. Now, I am scared of only a few things but I do not enjoy the many things and here is a random smattering:
Fish, snakes, mullets, animals dressed as humans, pigeons, oh...ohhh people who go trick or treating a day AFTER halloween (who do you think you are, you only get 1 day of free candy!) when people call sandwiches "sammiches," southern pronunciation, keannu reeves and his crazy eyebrows and I think, I am pretty annoyed by those who see that I am only 5'1'' and stand in front of me in a concert. That is just not neighborly of you.
I realize that this post may give you the impression that I am not in a good mood today, actually that is very untrue. I was just surfing the world wide web and I found out that my annoyances are quite inline with the average urban hipster, and I ask you, who does not like to find their nitch.
Since this is my blog I would also like to take a moment and apologize to the United States Postal Service (an open letter)
To who it may concern:
I am sure this is a simple case of karma retribution that all my mail has been lost lately, dating back to the time when I blamed you for my laziness in sending in bills. I can deal with that, after all, fair is fair. And I suppose to really get back on the right foot I shouldn't say you lost "all" my mail. After all, to be fair I should specify that you only seem to lose the mail that has any significance. Really, I noticed that my request for a J. Crew catalog processed fine as did my request slightly bitter letter involving Taco Bell. But, when it comes to birthday cards, bills, student loan payments you seem to be at a standstill. Forgive me a moment while I address the internet, (See post : MaryBeth, I suck) Internet, I sent my sister a check, it just got returned to me. Back to you postal employee, you see my sister whose birthday I forgot recently moved. I did put the new address on the envelope. Granted, I forgot the Unit J part. Would it have been that hard for your employee to walk up and notice that Mary Beth Goltz lives at unit J? I know you have comfy uniforms now, I saw project runway, get down with your drawstring pants and please deliver my mail. While I am at it, my roommate is starting to not trust me to mail things! I mailed rent, it was missing, I mailed a car lease copy, it "fell off the back of the truck" ext. I suppose I should thank you though, thanks to my near refusal to use your services I have 4 stars by my ebay name because I don't send checks, I only use paypal. They think I am fiscally responsible. I am sorry for my rant, but it must be heard. I hope you (individually) are well and that we can get past this. I am ready, just tell me where to send a box of cookies (they will be ordered through and paid for via...the internet.)
love,
Karla

11 comments:

cilla said...

haha this post made me laugh. Miss ya. I have been listening to all my new CDs. Thanks!

Scott Alexander said...

I believe the word you're looking for is "niche" and not nitch. Niche: A situation or activity specially suited to a person's interests, abilities, or nature. Whereas a nitch is a bundle of combed wheat reed weighing 28lbs. If it is the latter, my apologies, I'm glad you finally found it. Nitches are hard to go without for any period of time. :)

karla said...

crap.

em said...

I think you're a lunatic, but it is hilarious!!!! hahahaha!

Now Scott, really... leave Karla's spelling and grammar alone. It's not so great, but really... this is a blog. Give her a break! ;-)

Scott Alexander said...

Hey! This is a world-wide publication. One must put forward one's best if one wants to be taken seriously. Blog or no blog, I'm sure Karla doesn't want to be known as one propogating the stigma of Southern ignorance. Coming from Alabama, I know the damage that such preconceived notions can have.

Karla, your blog is a great stimulator of cultural conversation. Shoot far! You need to post more! Yer funny!

Anonymous said...

Oh Klala (yes I can spell, thats what I call her)...you are something else. That post just made me laugh so hard that it was blatantly obvious I was doing something non-work related on the company internet. Thank you for that, we have corporate in town :)Unfortunately, I think you do in fact have a crippling diability that doesnt allow you to mail a lot of things in a timely fashion, but we love you anyway. And yes, friends, spelling has never been klala's strong point. Ever. Not since the 6th grade wheh I was in 3rd and I dont really remember a whole lot before that.
I love you and miss you karly rae, and I can't wait until the D'Agosta clan is together once again in only 1 short month. Lovies!

karla said...

ok, so what! Spelling, not my best point. Also, I only put in commas where I would take a breath as my reading teacher Mr. Anderson taught me in the 5th grade. Now a note to the sister. Yes...mailing things on time has never been a strong suit but I will say that I SWEAR I mailed this stupid note only a day after your birthday and if you ever use the word "lovies" in a post/email/letter/conversation with me again...I am putting forth "the divorce" from you. I love you to and can't wait to see you win the marathon (after all you have been training at altitude.) Hope Eric feels better and I will talk to you soon.
I want to add one more thing. Bob Dylan called the semi colon the bastard child of the english language. I am tempted to agree. For extra points what is Bob Dylans real name?

karla said...

ps: since when have you callled me Klala?!? I am aware I also have a memory problem, after all apparently I went to horse camp. Which was my dream after I was told that my sister was getting a cello that cost more than she did if sold on the black market, and I was told, no...you cannot have a horse. Now, granted I no longer ride...but guess who no longer plays the cello...

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